First Aid? More like Last Aid
by blackindiaink
Summary: Aca-child AU in which Fat Amy and Flo are left to look after Emily while Beca and Chloe are out... sightseeing.


**Inspired by a post on tumblr by i-am-a-barden-bella.**

"You call her." Flo passed the phone but Fat Amy had no intention of calling Chloe. Beca was already kind of peeved off about the ever disappearing money from her purse.

"Now, let's not be hasty."

Emily sat on the bench in the corner of the bathroom, holding an ice pack to her head, one arm cradled in a makeshift sling made from Amy's jacket.

"The aca-child is fine. See?" She showcased Emily like Vana White at the Wheel of Fortune Board. Except, their fortune wasn't so good. It really never was when Amy and Flo were involved in entertaining the progeny of their esteemed captain and co-captain.

"She's bleeding from the head," Flo pointed out.

Amy dabbed at the blood just below Emily's temple.

"Ow!" Emily batted at Amy's hand in a feeble attempt to get her away.

"See, she's fine."

"I'm fine. Don't call Mom."

Flo looked between the two, one eyebrow raised. "Okay." She shrugged and continued to mentally file through some of the many occasions on which worse things had happened to her than whatever Chloe was going to do to them when she found out.

"Alright, so we're just going to get you cleaned up and sneak you back to the room before your Mums find out any of this ever happened." Now, that the decision was made and they had a plan of action. One inspired mostly by Fat Amy's unwillingness to get chewed out by not one but two angry lesbian moms.

Beca was scary. The pitch that her voice could reach when she was really pissed off about something could make birds drop from the sky. Chloe was worse. It wasn't just her blatant anger that one had to contend with. The real kicker was the guilt she inspired in her target. She could make Amy feel like the scummiest ratbag to ever be useless.

She passed Emily a crumpled hand full of paper towels from the dispenser on the wall and mosied over to the door to check for passerby. The a capella convention pulled in a wide audience so their hotel was very full and as long as none of the other Bellas spotted them they might just get away with sneaking Emily back to the room.

"Wipe all that off and let's get going." A man dressed out in swim trunks, carrying a towel walked past while she was still looking out the opening. Amy ducked back and closed the door until it was the tiniest of slivers. "That's right, walk on buster. Nothing to see here."

He turned as he heard her words, eyes wide. She clicked the door shut and cleared her throat. Turning, she found Flo and Emily right behind her. "Whoop" Their nearness made her jump. "Don't do that," she whispered. Once recovered she took a cleansing breath and settled.

She was actually kind of thankful that Chloe had dragged her wife out to the Aztec ruins for the day, thus giving them good time to cover their tracks. "Now, Beca and Chloe should be back from rooting around in the ruins any second so we have to hurry."

"Is that what they're calling it?" Flo's question was innocent enough… only it wasn't. "I thought it was just called sex now."

"Ewww!"

Amy clapped both palms over Emily's ears. "Virgin ears!" Returning their child with physical _and_ mental injury would really not work out for for them. "Let's just go."

With the use of more force than should be strictly necessary, Emily removed Amy's hands from her head and pushed past her to open the door. "Can we not talk about the mom's doing any gross things together? In my mind they just went for a walk. That's better. They just went for a walk."

She took a walk of her own right out of the bathroom and into someone who was walking down the hall. She stumbled back into Fat Amy. The domino effect had Amy falling into Flo and all of them ending up nursing sore butts. "What are you doing?!" Amy rubbed her bum and rolled to the side to get up.

"Mom!"

All three looked up into the wide, blue eyes of Chloe Beale, who scrambled to help Emily up. "Oh my god. Are you okay?" She got an inch from Emily's face in order to inspect the now exposed wound on her forehead. "What happened?" She leaned around and stared down Fat Amy and Flo. "For serious. What happened?"

"Uh… Uh."

Amy's response hung in the air as the only verbal attempt at an explanation until Flo stepped up the plate. "Amy convinced her to go head first down the slide at the pool and she hit her head on the side and then she hurt her arm trying to get out of the water."

"OH MY GOD." Chloe took Emily aside and checked her over for any other injuries. "Just wait till I tell Beca," she mumbled as she ran her hands over Emily's shoulder. "What is wrong with you two letter her do that!?"

"Well, if she hadn't twisted round like a pretzel and tried to flip into the pool like a fat baby seal it would have been fine."

Chloe's head shot out from around Emily. "Don't even talk to me right now, Fat Amy. You are so fired from aca-child duty. She always comes back with some kind of injury when I let you take her."

"Can't help it if your kid's a clutz," Amy grunted out under the guise of a cough.

"What?!"

"Nothing."


End file.
